In the Shadow of the Night

“ Long it had dwelled

In the darkest of the hour

Awaiting for this time to alight

The fear of my mind 

Crawled to the surface 

In the shadow of the night”

That Night...

It was an unusual night when I went to bed. The stray dogs weren’t barking, my neighbor wasn’t screaming on his phone, and neither the night bugs were making any sound. Everything felt out of its place. It was so quiet that I could perceive the rhythm of my breath. I was curled up in my sheets and was mindlessly staring at the ceiling. From the last few days, I wasn't getting any proper sleep. A second ago, I was looking in the depths of my past, and a moment after, I was curating my future. Every night was a battle of my thoughts, of the feelings, this pandemic had resulted.

It would have been an hour or so when I heard a noise. I sensed someone was standing outside my window. Could it just be the wind, I thought? Or am I dreaming? I checked my phone it was half-past midnight. The silence with which I went to bed had grown. I must be overthinking, I reassured. I took my sheets and curled back to sleep. But then there it was again, this time even louder and precise as if someone was searching for something. It was not a dream. I was fully awake. There was definitely someone lurking through the shadows. Suddenly my intellect was flooded with all the possibilities of what it could be. Thoughts were popping up, suggesting their motives. I was frightened and felt the need to ignore it. But knowing that someone might break in gave me the chills.

Earlier that day...

I was enjoying my tea on the balcony listening to a Cuckoo's final notes. It was twilight already, and the sky was vibrant in contrasting colors. The wind was blowing north, insisting the clouds to follow along. The atmosphere was somewhat cold, resembling a winter’s noon. Oh boy, I loved watching these sunsets. Since the lock-down, it has become my daily pastime activity. They reminded me that these hardships are going to end soon. That while this pandemic is on a boost, it will end soon.

I saw the watchmen of our building, talking to an unknown middle-aged man. Their conversation looked tensed as both showed some serious animated faces. It seemed as if they are arguing about something. It was later that the watchmen informed that last night a drunkard caused some nuisance in this neighborhood. This man tried and somewhat succeeded in damaging a few of the vehicles parked outside. People had been looking after him. They say it is the same man who was caught for robbery a few years back. He advised me to stay alert and keep the doors locked before going to sleep.

 

Night (continuation)...

Could it be the same man? or there is someone else? Should I go out and look? or should I stay input? Is he going to break in? or leave me alone? Every negative question flooded my mind. I wanted to be brave, but I felt terrified. Knowing the unknown uncertainties of what could be outside, I was reluctant to sneak through. I was never in my life felt this helpless. Is this the end? my fear questioned. 

And it was again. My heart was pumping of charts. The whole body was numb. What could it be? I wasn’t sure. But there was only one approach to find that out. I barely managed to compose my thoughts and got out of my blanket. One foot at a time, I walked carefully towards the window. I was moving cautiously, keeping my breath controlled. I was vigilant and didn’t want to alert the intruder. Carefully I moved the curtain aside to lookout. My eyes rolled to assess any abnormality. He should be here, where did he go? I waited there for a minute, but there was no one to be found. 

It was back to dead silence. He must have run away. But, did he knew I was coming? Did I fear him away? Whatever it was, I felt relieved. But at the same time, I was left with some curious questions. Who was he? and what did he want? These unanswered questions were troubling me. 

Three nights after...

It was raining heavily. The whole room felt awake. The tin shades outside the window were resonating the storm. The curtains were fluttering by the sudden whooshing from the wind. The thunder was loud and cracking, and the occasional lightning added the intense drama. I was cozily curled up in my sheets and was watching a Netflix film. When suddenly I heard that noise. It was happening again. The fears of that night crawled back. My nightmares were alive. But this time, I was somewhat prepared. I stood up more carefully and walked towards the window. I could see him. He was right in front of me. I was dumbstruck. He gazed at me alertly and walked away. What did just happened? I stood there, feeling disappointed. Disappointed of the fact, what my mind made me go through. Is this what fear really is? Overpowering your common sense and judgement. I smiled and laughed to the thoughts I had. All this time, I was in fear of something that I'd imagined. When in reality, it was nothing even close.

P.S. The best way to overcome your fear is by confronting it. Fear can be subjective, but its outcome is not. It not only can affect your physical well-being but can truly decrease your mental strength. An important lesson I'd learned that day.

P.P.S. It was just a cat whom I feared to my nightmares. And not just any cat but my neighbor's sweet annoying, Patch.